40 Funny things to stick on your balls ;o)

hehehe .. I polled my friends
And the "Golf Ball says"

"I said Tees not Trees"
"Duh, Hide the Beer Hit the Ball"
"Here Gopher Gopher Gopher"
"Where did you come from, a scotch ad?"
"I know why I'm here - what's your excuse"
"Don't you people have homes?"
"Don't you people have jobs?"
"Arnold Palmer you ain't"
"Three wishes .. and no wishing for wishes"
"I see a lot of horticulture in your future"
"Something you lost will soon turn up - but this ain't it"
"Just remember the course closes at 5pm"
"Mulligan ... and again, and again, and again"
"Look Gilligan - this isn't a 3 hour tour"
"Just head back to the office, Ball not found. Abort, Retry, Ignore"
"Live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your handicap"
"When everything’s coming your way, DUCK! you're playing the wrong way"
"Would it help if we put a barn in the middle of the fairway for you?"
"Shaking me isn't going to change the answer"
"UUuuu JackAss!"
"Look, Golf ain't for sissies"
"376 - your game is improving!"
"I think I know your problem - its hitting the ball"
"Remember, what comes around, goes around ... MuWaHahaha"
"The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs"
"Maybe your best talent is to drive the cart?"
"Just kidding - there is no candy"
"No you can't power-level this hole"
"Putter? I don't even know her"
"Get a grip - before you hit the ball this time"
"Oh the Irony of it all"
"Go ahead, make my day"
"I heard Four, but this is at least seven?"
"It will help if you put the blackberry down before you swing"
"my wife thinks we're having fun"
"Yes I know its all green - I meant the other green"
"Next time - aim for the non-forest looking part"
"You want summa dis?"
"Getting a hole in one on your back-swing .. doesn't count"
"W A S H M E"


A whole slew of Golf one liners and where did Kevin find it? On a Hockey site .. Go Figure

Subject: Golf one liners

One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a
bowling ball.
-Don Carter, pro bowler

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.
-Buddy Hackett

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
-Gerald Ford

Once when I was golfing in Georgia I hooked the ball into a swamp. I went
in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a
little golfer on it.
-Buddy Hackett

It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still
rolling.
-Mark Twain

Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot.
-Dave Marr

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it
in one afternoon on the golf course.
- Hank Aaron

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him
laughing.
- Phyllis Diller

"I'm very lucky. If it wasn't for golf I don't know what I'd be doing. If my
IQ had been two points lower, I'd have been a plant somewhere."
-Lee Trevino

Golf has more rules than any other game, because golf has more cheaters than
any other game.
-Bruce Lansky

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20
percent lied.
-Bruce Lansky

I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It is called
an eraser.
-Arnold Palmer

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller
hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose."
-Winston Churchill

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the
occasional miracle.

Tee your ball high...air offers less resistance than dirt.
-Jack Nicklaus

Why is it that when you tell yourself, 'don't hit it in the water' your body
only seems to hear the word 'water'?

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name...and
they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank
it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out
and, for no reason at all, you really stink.
-Bob Hope

Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him. The smart golfer throws his
club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole.
-Tommy Armour

Corollary: clubs don't float.

He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie.
-Mickey Mantle