Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Thank you Officer JackAss!

In honor of Officer Big JackAss and Isanti County, I’m posting my first BLOG.

Today I set out to do some research regarding Isanti County attorneys. I’m not just picking any attorney out of the yellow pages this time, no way … I’m gonna get me a gun slinging beer swilling womanizing abusive attorney with a low IQ!

The last attorney I had was a very nice guy. He just didn’t quite fit in up here. I was not comfortable with what I witnessed as a defendant at the mercy of these conflicting personalities.

The entire ordeal was a total waste of everyone’s time and the working Minnesotan’s tax dollars. I’m not whining, I’m actually glad I’ve had this opportunity to learn. Maybe I can make a difference, if not … at least I can give a giggle out and that’s a good thing too.

As part of my punishment along with a $500.00 fine, 2 years probation, I have to have a CDA AND my attorney agreed to have me write a letter of “apology” to Officer Big JackAss.

This is the letter I wrote and didn’t send because frankly, I’m afraid of these folks.

I decided it would be in my best interest to BLOG it anonymously and vent here instead.

The following letter of apology pertains to case # 30-CR-XXXXX

I am truly sorry I spent the first 40 years of my life completely oblivious to the inner workings of our judicial system. I think shows like Mayberry RFD have tainted my thought process and should be banned from view. (I’ll work on that)

I truly understand now that police officers ARE part of a system put in place by our community to protect and serve our community residents. I was unaware of the obvious imminent danger Officer Big JackAss skillfully spotted. I see now how the one mile walk home would have likely caused skin inflammation due to mosquito bites, maybe even some calluses (I was not wearing proper hiking attire) and potentially unnecessary exposure to Lyme disease. Lyme disease is the most common tick-borne disease in the Northern Hemisphere.

I suppose avoiding the discomfort and potential health repercussions of Lyme disease was well worth the $6,500.00 (attorneys fees and fines) being tazered repeatedly, a broken toe, some bruises as well as the humiliation, fear, uncertainty of my future and inconvenience I’ve endured over the past couple years.

Thank you Officer Big JackAss for using our tax dollars so wisely! Not only did I have a unique opportunity to learn about our judicial system from the inside out, I was introduced to some very interesting people whom I would have never encountered in my regular every day life.

Lessons Learned:

I learned that I should not assume people who have been in jail are bad people with evil intensions or exhibit reckless, irresponsible behaviors, I will absolutely be more tolerant.

I learned that medication for things like depression, drug abuse, sleep disorders and anxiety aren’t working so well. All but one of the women I shared a cell with was under long term psychiatric care. I think one gal was too broke to pay the fine, she and her boyfriend both volunteered to do their time. I think she may have a shot at a better life, I’m happy to have contributed the funds via tax dollars to facilitate her rehabilitation.

I learned folks aren’t necessarily placed in a jail cell because they are a danger to society or themselves. Sometimes folks are placed in custody due to incompatibility issues with a person of power. I suppose it’s possible I could have had an undiagnosed disease that may have infected Mosquitoes and caused sterility or something horrible like that! I’ve since undergone a thorough physical exam and know now I’m not a threat to insects. Thank you for stopping me from potentially harming the bugs.

I learned that some folks simply thrive on being in total control. I’ve always known that a person is more effective in a position where they have an opportunity to harness their strengths and use them to contribute to a cause they are passionate about. Kudos to Isanti County, you have chosen passionate, committed personnel.

I was hoping to have an opportunity to experience a trial as well, but my financial situation recently took a downturn and simply won’t allow it.

Above all, I’ve learned to pay closer attention to MN politics, proposed laws and policies BEFORE they are in place. I’ll stay informed and be more proactive.

Thank you Officer Big JackAss. I apologize for any inconvenience you may have suffered while saving me from potential Lyme disease and imminent skin inflammation.

I’ve been scratching my head for two years now thinking…” WTF? Am I nuts or is there something terribly wrong with our system?”

Sincerely,

1 comment:

Unknown said...

hehe....that was great. I only wish you could have sent that letter